The Myth of 'Loving to Read' Before You Can Decode

If your child is struggling to read, you have probably received this common advice: "Just surround them with books."

Well-meaning teachers and friends might tell you that if you read aloud enough, or if you fill your home with beautiful stories, your child will suddenly develop a "love of reading" that solves their struggles.

But for a child with dyslexia or reading difficulties, this advice does not work. In fact, it often makes them feel worse.

To put it simply: Children cannot love doing something that feels incredibly difficult and frustrating.

Before a child can enjoy reading independently, they must learn how to decode words. Decoding is the ability to look at letters, connect them to sounds, and blend those sounds into words. Without this foundation, a book is just a wall of frustrating symbols.

The Pressure of the 'Love of Reading' Narrative

Parents often feel immense guilt. You might see other children curled up with novels and wonder what you did wrong.

This pressure often leads to a cycle of anxiety. You buy more books, encourage your child to pick them up, and meet resistance. Your child may avoid reading, hide their books, or even show signs of school anxiety.

If you are noticing these patterns, you are not alone. Many parents face this exact challenge. You can read more about managing these feelings in our guide on when reading anxiety leads to school avoidance.

When we force the "love of reading" narrative too early, we ask children to run before they can stand. It is not a lack of motivation that keeps your child from reading. It is a lack of the physical, cognitive tools to translate the text.

Why You Can't Love What You Cannot Decode

Think of something you find incredibly difficult and stressful. Perhaps it is public speaking, tax forms, or parallel parking on a busy street.

Now, imagine someone told you to "just love" that activity. Imagine they surrounded you with tax forms and told you that exposure would make you enjoy them. It sounds absurd because it is.

In his article, "What We Talk About When We Talk About the Love of Reading: Part 1" for Reading Rockets, literacy expert Timothy Shanahan points out that we often confuse the outcome with the process.

Enjoyment of reading is a wonderful outcome. But it is not the method we use to teach reading.

For a dyslexic child, decoding requires massive mental effort. While a fluent reader decodes automatically, a struggling reader is working like a computer running too many heavy programs at once. By the time they finish sounding out a single sentence, they are too exhausted to understand the plot, let alone enjoy it.

The True Relationship Between Ability and Enjoyment

We often think the path to reading looks like this:

Love of Reading → More Practice → Better Reading Skills

In reality, science shows us the path actually looks like this:

Systematic Phonics Instruction → Successful Decoding → Easier Reading → Enjoyment

Enjoyment follows ease. When decoding becomes automatic, the brain finally has the free space to enjoy the story.

If you want to understand the science behind this process for older children, you can read our deep dive into the science of reading for older kids.

Practical Ways to Build Confidence at Home

What can you do tomorrow morning to help your child, without forcing them to read books they cannot manage yet? Here are four practical, low-pressure strategies:

1. Separate story time from reading practice

Keep sharing stories, but do not ask your child to read them. Read aloud to them, or use high-quality audiobooks. This keeps their vocabulary and love for stories alive without any of the decoding stress.

2. Focus on systematic phonics

Help your child practice the building blocks of language. This means working on letter-sound connections in a structured, step-by-step way.

If you are looking for a tool to help with this at home, our app Lexy offers structured, multisensory phonics practice designed specifically for struggling readers. It is Orton-Gillingham informed and focuses on building confidence through small, successful steps.

3. Keep practice sessions short

Five to ten minutes of successful, frustration-free phonics practice is much better than thirty minutes of tears over a school book. Stop before your child gets exhausted.

4. Praise the effort, not just the result

Instead of saying "You are so smart," try saying, "I saw how hard you worked to sound out that word. You did not give up." This builds resilience.

Remember, your child does not need to love reading today. They just need to learn how to decode, one small step at a time. The ease, and the enjoyment, will follow.